Only You

2009-09-10T01:57:00.001-07:00

I just want to live for myself. Why am I living for others when they don't even appreciate me?

I am sick of this

2009-08-19T06:27:00.000-07:00

I am sick of this. Like, I don't want to hope for anything, yet I can't not hope for something. It is just driving me nuts. Soon, I will be walking on the walls.

Don't want to worry, don't want to care.

Ignorance is bliss. If so, why do I feel a sense of dread and apprehension?

Darn

2009-08-15T21:31:00.000-07:00

Give me a break, will you? As if I need reminding? You think I am not upset enough? What is your problem? To make everyone to be reminded of the horrid things they don't want to remember because we DON'T NEED REMINDING? Please. I cannot even relax without feeling upset because of you(and partly the fact that I am sick too. )

Totally trying to piss me of, right?

Thanks for ruining my weekend.

********* ********************

2009-08-11T04:33:00.000-07:00

Its Sunshine's birthday today :D Yay, Happy birthday. HAHAHA, well at least today's attempt to study was not that of a failure after all.. I mean, at least we DID revise Chemistry and... A math ... and E math. Yeah. Haha, Geography was not as bad as I expected(I half expected diagrams for convectional rain and relief rain to come out, but I memorised for nothing. Tch.) and for once, I managed to complete the paper!!!!!

Was super pissed with myself when I cancelled out the 'continential(for a moment, I have forgotten how to spell it.......) and maritime influence for distance from sea.' Sighs, probably minus one mark..? Wonder if they would minus marks for lumping everything single thing into one paragraph......? Hope not.

Chinese was crap, for once. I crapped through out comprehension, especially the second last question, which for the sake of my life, I JUST cannot remember the 论说文 and whatever 法 it was.

English was generally ok... Hopefully can get a B3? (aiming low is good as i don't want to disappoint myself.)

SS tomorrow... GAH I HATE SS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (HAHAHA, I am remembering the funny video on Youtube!!!!)

2009-07-24T06:37:00.001-07:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I just saw the common test schedule. 11- something August. WE HAVE THREE FRIGGIN PAPERS PER DAY. WTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is even worse than mid-years. At least we only have, like one or two papers a day, but seriously, three? HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSE TO CRAM SO MUCH STUFF IN MY BRAIN?!

And the common tests are two weeks from now. AND, I have yet to STUDY!

Crap. I am so dead.

2009-07-20T06:35:00.000-07:00

Gurrkkk. So many projects yet to complete. Upcoming tests. YUkkh I think I will fail for Geog. The quiz that she gave, I only scored a pathetic two mark out of ten. AND, I barely completed it. Only managed to do so when she gave us an extra five minutes. AND I STILL HAVE YET TO WATCH HP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARRRGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Harry Potter fan freak*

2009-07-13T02:10:00.000-07:00

Too lazy to blog nowadays. Nothing much happened lately, just that we have a lot of upcoming tests. Hope that I will be able to cope. No ccas now so I wonder how is the choir going to survive? I bet that no one actually practices or do their exercises, despite constant reminders. If this goes on, I am pretty sure we are unable to go to HK because we are not ready or prepared yet.

All you need is love

2009-07-01T04:49:00.000-07:00

I just watched this video today, and I suddenly feel...... I don't know what is the word for it. Religious? Anyway, I really want to save as many people as I can and spread the Word of God. Look, atheists could scoff and give all sorts of reasons(for the 'ridiculous' laws of God and I know that some people think that way, but in my opinion, they are just deluding themselves), but ultimately, and I can say this with 10000000% certainty that all of us WILL know the real truth, in time to come. I know all of us have different opinions and views so I will apologise firsthand if I offended anyone in any way. This post is more of a sharing post than a trying to convert the whole world post. I can't convert anyone, for ultimately it is your choice.

Doesn't anyone think it is so much more of a coincidence that the so many events that the Bible prophecies are actually happening already? It is like, all the stuff about natural disasters, wars, famine, etc are all happening and with the technological advancement, I am not surprised that people will be having computer chips in them soon. It is scary to think of it and personally, I am no expert on this stuff so if you want to know more, you should really read the Bible and ask a pastor or something. All I know is that: Are we prepared for this? Most importantly, are YOU prepared for the end of the world? I am quite sure that I will actually live to experience the day when God arrives on earth(Praise Lord!) and every single soul whether they believe in Him or not, will see Him and yet there will still be people who refuses to acknowledge Him and worship Him and admit their sins, and will in fact try to fight Him.(which is pointless as they lost the battle already) And all of their sins will be laid down in front of them and they will be in soooooo much pain because they remember every single sin and the remorse and regret is just too emotionally painful. Also, for those who obey God and are faithful to Him, they will be granted a place in heaven where their previous sufferings(being condemned by the rest of the world, etc) will come to and end. I mean, I obviously do want to go to heaven and also want to save as many people as I can. So, I guess what I can do is pray and pray and pray and pray that people will turn their hearts and try to spread the word of the Lord to as many people as possible. I know it is going to be hard, with all the criticism and judgment of others, one will lose hope and fall, but I pray that I will not. I pray that I will not conform myself to the ways of the world, and mistakenly believe false saints, prophets.

Ultimately, it is up to your choice. But I really hope to see you in heaven(Haha, Amanda's catchphrase :D) and enjoy eternal life with you.

Dear Lord,
Father, I just pray to you that they can hear You and hear Your words. I pray that they will realise their sins and acknowledge You before it is too late. I pray that Your mercy will rain down upon them and that they will accept You. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Sometimes, we don't need prove for everything. If you want to prove that God exist, so you believe in Him, then that is not real faith for real faith is believing in something you do not know of. Nobody knows how real God is, but that is why people believe and have faith in Him because by having faith in something you are uncertain of, that is the real faith for you do not know what will happen yet you still chose to believe in it(in my case, God♥)

Homework: TWO NEWSPAPER ARTICLES LEFT

2009-06-27T07:51:00.001-07:00

WHY AREN'T THERE ANYTHING NICE IN THE PAPERS FOR NEWSPAPER ARTICLES. I know, MJ's( (and Farrah) passing and all that is nice, but I doubt it is actually appropriate and H1N1 is getting really boring.....

Ideas, anyone?

TGIF.........or not

2009-06-19T06:51:00.000-07:00

Posting less in blogger now, considering I use LJ more often(HAH, no one knows my LJ)

My patience is seriously being stretched to the limits. I try to ignore, try to brush it off. Everytime when I feel like lashing out at you after what you DO to me, I will tell myself to stay calm. I will think of how Jesus acted, when he was being proseuted, tortured, condemned by the rest of the world. He did not retailate, even though he had the power to. Instead, he prayed for them. He prayed for his enemies, asking for forgivness on their behalf. That is what I have been doing. I tell myself, you don't know anything, you don't know what you have done wrong.... but there is honestly a limit to my patience. Have you no respect for me at all? Do you want me to drop dead and die the very next day(God help me,please, no.) then you will come to your senses and feel guilty but by that time it would already be too late? I try to control my anger, try to relax. Of course I forgive. Because God would want me to do that. And If Jesus could do that to SO many people, and YET, still willingly suffer and shed his precious blood for us, I can forgive you too. For you are just one person. But, does that mean I should suffer in silence and let you abuse me? FYI, it is actually called VERBAL abuse. I could call the police on you. But I won't. For God would not want me to do that either. Honestly, I am sick and tired of suffering in silence. I know that only He knows my pain and suffering, but oh God, if you would only make it stop? To think I keep you in my prayers every night. Without fail. Hoping that you might change. Hoping that you might actually accept the Lord, and save your soul. What I really want to say to you is. You can go rot in h*** for all I care. And I stop. Stop praying. Stop hoping, and having faith that you would change and get your soul saved.

But I won't. You need not thank me for that, for I am sure you never will. Unless you find my blog, which is highly impossible, unless I die. (then you would probably read this) I will still keep on doing so. Angry, hurt as I am I still will. Not only because it is the right thing to do, but I care. I do care because no one should be going down to you-know-where. I certainly do not want you to be suffering for an eternity when you only caused me.. let see, 15 years of pain and grief and still counting?

It is not fair, isn't it?

P.S the Christian Music Diet really is working! Praise God. Now I totally get Pastor Greg and Pastor Chris(LOL, he is super funny!) preachings.

So far..

2009-06-14T08:19:00.000-07:00

Section outing was a major flop. I mean, it is so incredibly stupid and idiotic that those people who keeps on whining that they want section outing... in the end they are the ones who did not even turn up.... In the end, only FOUR(including me) turned up....... Yeah, so much for all the planning to bond and have fun.

Anyway, moving on from the unhappy stuff, the next day, thursday, was MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!! Went to Sentosa with my church friends. We went to the palawan beach and played games.... which they saboed me(grrr.....) but at least they(the guys) were nice enough to not throw me into the sea(which was the forfeit) But we still went to the sea anyway(I just didn't appreciate being pushed/thrown into the sea against my will.. although if they really had done that, I'll just pull them down with me ^^) Haha, we swam in our clothes(a bit akward). I actually swam from one beach to the other!!! (Well, that was solely based on my experinced friend's help) I mean, I can swim but I am not all that strong.. especially the currents were pretty strong and I remembered a news report about someone drowning in Sentosa while attempting the same thing as we did..... but anyway, I survived(duh) I freaked out a bit(oh fine, I totally screamed my head off) when I fished out a crab's pincer.. I have no idea why but i sub consciously kept playing with the sand IN the sea.. and somehow, I managed to dig up the pincer... and screamed cos it was only the pincer... which means that there was probably a disembodied crab somewhere....... Oh yeah, we buried Celine in the sand!!!! HAHAHA!!!!!!! It was so funny and we took pictures too ^^ Oh, i finally realised why people say NOT to drink sea water if you are stranded or shipwrecked because it is seriously damn salty!!!!(and then someone had to go and say it is because of everyone peeing in the sea..... while we were still in the sea and after I had swallowed, by accident a small mouthful of seawater -.-) My throat was burning because of all the salt and my funny friend thought, at first, that it was the potato chips he had eaten that turned his mouth so salty. LOL!!! Anyway, after a while, the sea water was so salty that I could not longer stand the stinging of it in your eyes(and other parts of your body) that I had to get out of it and went to drink some water.......... and went back in to play again!!

So, anway, after all the playing in the water, I mean, sea(I realised sea water really does miracles to your wounds) we went to bathe(us girls) and after that we went to cycle(kind of pointless to bathe) Well, my friends went anyway, and one of them was so ever patient enough to stay behind and actually teach me how to cycle. He offered to do the double bike with me at first.. but I thought, since I rented the single bike, why not learn it? So he started to teach me.... which got me now where because the only bicycles I can cycle are the four-wheeled kinds and even mine got stolen..... so as you can imagine, I was very useless on the vehicle, which seems to have a life of its own. I mean, I know how to cycle and pedal and all that... but how do you prevent the entire bike from titlting to one side.... when I attempted to cycle, my entire bike was 30 degrees to one side... and I tried to lean and put my body weight to the other side, to balance it, it did not work too!!!!!!!(probably cos I was too light) And if not for my friends holding the bike, I would have probably toppled over already.... 0.0

Well, after some useless attempts at cycling, despite under patience teaching and guidance from my friends. I gave up, (also because I hit my tailbone quite badly, to the point that even now, it hurts to sit!) and I was also too tired and in pain to cycle so I just didn't lor. I was like (0.0) when they suggested going ECP the next time so I could cycle again.....(er, I think I would rather swim) I mean, until now my tailbone still hurts!!!! It hurts so much to even bend down or sit down!!!!!! So after the back-breaking(literally) attempts at cycling, I was pretty knackered(and sad) when the day ended. Got scolded just a bit by mum for going out...... and for wearing white shorts to the beach ._.

So far, I have compeleted like 3/4 of the homework... so I wish my mum would stop complaining on how I am neglecting my studies.....

Now, it is my turn to erase my first impression of you. I see that looking on the good side of you is nothing but just a false image. Thanks a lot...... for the pain you brought me. I REALLY appreciate it.

Ironic conversation

2009-06-02T09:28:00.000-07:00

Happen to overheard a piece of ironic irony on the bus.

*Portions of the conversation have been edited to ensure smooth reading and because of my awfully poor memory.

Guy talking to Girl: Sit here.
Girl: Why? I want to sit at the back
Guy: Those bunch of rowdy teenagers are going to be very noisy and they will start swearing and cussing.
Girl: Oh.. Ok

10 mins later......

Guy: oh S***! This is so F***ED up!

Irony much?

Lalalalalalala

2009-05-27T07:18:00.000-07:00

Well, long time no update. Too lazy to do so. My results were sucky like crap but despite that, I managed to secure a good class position? Still have to meet parents with co-FT, though it is only a call. Wonder what they will talk about.......?

A.L.L has been great so far.. Been too lazy to post up the photos taken days ago...... Oh well, next time, I guess..

ALL

2009-05-10T08:34:00.000-07:00

FINALLY, got to meet Kaixin and went to A.L.L(animalloversleague) Admittedly, I was a little frightened when I first entered the place, because all the dogs was literally baarking mad.. and some pretty rough ones were pawing you all the way... Haha, but after a while, when more people came in after us, I kind of got used to the 'rushing to the gates, barking madly' syndrome because it is just their way of greeting new people! Most dogs were ok, meaning they didn't bite people... I think those who did bite were locked up or something. Haha, I was a bit 'gong' cos I didn't really know what to do, but I kind of just followed what everyone else was doing.... Yeah, the dog fights were scary... especially when one of the dogs got bitten quite badly.. But I guess it is pretty normal though I think there were exceptionally ALOT of fights today.. Just had to keep shouting at them when they broke into their petty fights(:

I am in love with Ah-Wang!! It is my favorite now :) Haha, I PRAY that I can go consistently from now on. I really want to, but my mum must allow me first.. Just because I was feeling a little warm to the touch, she said I was falling sick and asked me not to go next time(GOD, please, no!) so I really do pray that I can go......

At this point, I would really like to appeal to people are willing to help to help the poor doggies and kitties at A.L.L!! Check out their website, http://animalloversleague.wordpress.com for more details. God made animals for us, for food and also for companionship so we must treat the animals as a companion and not.. some toy to play with. Hence, do not buy pets just because they are 'cute and cuddly'. Just like the case of the 'luohan' fish, many people were rushing to buy them just because they were taught to be lucky, and a few years down the road, people are bored with them and are just dumping them into ponds and rivers... which is a very irresponsible act! You don't just abandon your companion and how do you expect them to survive on their own if you just dump them somewhere after being taken care of for so long? So, please, have a heart and don't abandon your pets. If for whatever reason you cannot no longer keep them, give it up for adoption or surrender it to the SPCA(though I bet if no one wants them, they will be put to sleep) And I am not just speaking for dogs or cats but all the animals in the world because animals do have rights and we don't just deny them their rights just because they cannot speak for themselves.

I think that is all for now. Please pray that I can continue to help out at A.L.L

Sick?

2009-04-27T07:18:00.000-07:00

I think I am falling sick. I feel hot all over, my throat itches, I have a cough, a pounding headache and a tummy ache.

I pray that I won't fall sick cos MYEs are in two days time... well, one day actually, because it is only 2 more hours to tuesday....

GOD, HELP ME, PLEASE!!!!!

Slacker

2009-04-25T08:12:00.000-07:00

I spent half the night slacking.... Better start studying now.

Broken hearted

2009-04-23T03:05:00.000-07:00

What the choir teachers said made sense. It is a wonder we still manage to get a silver. It is not the singing, but the adittude of the members. Hopefully, things will change for the better.

So stressed and tired. I really don't know how to continue because I really find it hard to coordinate my time because my time is always spent on hmwk, hmwk, hmwk. I can't even study and that is very frightening cos my MYEs are next week. And I still have to go for CCA because I do feel obliged to. Like, what kind of example am I setting if I don't go, just because I have MYEs the very next day? I mean, so what? Other people also have exams and they are still going. But I really am afraid of failing for my exams because I feel so unprepared. I have yet to study for one single subject. Well, I manage to study a little of chem and bio today, but I doubt it can stay in my mind because my memory sucks when it comes to remembering things that are study-related. I really really don't want to fail.

Even a criminal gets to go on trial, but why are you condemning me when you have yet to give me the chance to prove myself of my capabilities. Am I that useless to you? Can't you spare a thought for my feelings? And why are you even judging me? Only God has the right to do that but you are not Him(far from Him, in fact) so why are you judging me? Stop telling me what I CAN'T do before I have even tried. Spare a thought for my feelings, please.

Lost soul

2009-04-20T04:19:00.000-07:00

How do you try to change something that cannot be changed? How do you hide your disappoinment from others, because they are depending on you to be strong? How can you not feel sad, even though the results were crystal clear?

It has all eventually come to an end. To say I did not cry, did not feel upset, did not feel disappointment would be a big fat lie. Maybe we aren't ready, maybe we overdone it. However, it is over. Moving on is not an option. Though how can we really move on? I know the mature atitude would be to smile and move on, saying that SYF is JUST a competition and getting gold/silver/bronze is just a title and does not and will not stop us from singing, but, seriously, who am I F****** kiding? Of course, it is thus true that we should not let SYF deter us from who we really are, but no one can deny the heavy disappointment we all feel. It DOES matter. In the end, what we get DOES matter, to a certain extend because it changes how people sees us, how we feel, our standard. To get a gold means we have improved, and it will definitely make us feel good. The school would change its opinion on us. We will no longer be looked down upon.

The worst part is, how do you even face your peers, especially they are all so eager to know what the result is? How do you even answer them, without throwing a crying fit? How do you even focus on MYEs now. How do you even do the CD recording when everyone is so upset that, be it sub-consciously or consciously, no one is going to sing well? How do you even handle the truth, the truth that hurts so very much?

I will get over this. WE will get over this. It is only the matter of time.

The question is, how long does it take for the wound to heal? Even so, there will always be a scar(just like the ones on my back and heart)

The last battle

2009-04-19T06:48:00.000-07:00

AHH!!!!! I am freaking out right now.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear God, Please help us.

Hang in there!

2009-04-17T07:40:00.000-07:00

Hang in there, we can do it... I hope. SYF is in a few days' time and I really hope we can make it. The session with Mr Lim, though short, has been very helpful and insipiring. I just looked at the MYE timetable and realised the first two papers are on wednesday, not friday as i first thought. Which equals to lesser time to study, and I will most probably end up failing subjects like, A-math, SS...

For the first time in my life, I actually passed E-math! Got 13/20. Actually, I got 14, but minus one mark because of goodnees-knows-what. Well, I am just satisfied that I didn't fail, and tabulating all the previous marks, I actually passed my CA. Can't say the same for A-math though....

Happy Birthday

2009-04-14T07:03:00.000-07:00

Yay, it is my birthday today. Got a few presents from my friends and family. Shall not post pictures up yet as I really cannot spare the time. I need to go on a haitus soon. Sigh, MYEs are around the corner and I have yet to study yet. It is hard, plus, SYF is right before MYEs! Which is one week away, SYF, I mean. Wait, I meant LESS than one week.

I really pray that we can get GOLD. work hard, people.

trying to hang on

2009-04-09T08:15:00.000-07:00

My life sucks. I am so stressed out I can hardly think straight. Tests and homework are piling up one after another, and SYF is taking control of my life, not to mention SJWP. Even after SYF, its MYE so there is no time for a break or a breather even. I flunked the A math test today, considering a whole 6 marks have flown away, not to mention more. I have to prevent myself from breaking down by taking deep breathes and calm myself down. I am just so busy that I want time for myself and I just don't! Even if I am not breaking down now, I will be.

Soon.

If this persists.

What will I do without You?

2009-04-04T21:39:00.000-07:00

This is bad. I am having a sore throat and I am losing my voice. It sounds REALLY sexy now. With it being raspy and everything. And SYF is just weeks away, I can't afford to fall sick now. Especially when there is sectional tomorrow and a WHOLE load of tests. Not that I will mind not taking the tests, I still have to stay back and complete them.

I think I am going to stop caring anymore. I don't know why I am even bothered by you when you apparantly don't know of my existence. So long.

As if I need more of this

2009-04-02T07:22:00.000-07:00

My mother and brother were fighting just now. As if I am not already vexed enough, I have to come home to some small petty squabble. Should I say you are really a pot calling the kettle black? Yes, you totally are. BOTH of you.

Some things are really not conveinent to be mentioned in the blog(considering it is a public place and everyone can read what you write and all....) but I am so pissed(not at the choir, I know no matter how hard I try, nothing is going to change at all) but at other stuff.... Like really really offended and pissed. GRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

SYF

2009-04-02T07:15:00.000-07:00

AAAHHHHHH!!!!! SYF in two weeks time. SO freaking out right now. It's kind of clear based on the discipline of the choir what kind of result we will get already. Sorry, I am not being pessmisstic, but I am being honest. Our conductor IS right. With the current discipline, we will never acheive a gold. Gah. I am so sick and tired of going 'SSSHHHHHHH!!!!!' every single time we stop singing. Cos the choir, not just my section, can't seem to SHUT UP. I feel like it is a one man's battle, cos I really do not feel the unity in choir. I mean, there is the junior-senior senior problem(s) and discipline problems... How to get gold?

Only time will tell.

Yay, new blog!

2009-03-30T07:32:00.000-07:00

I realised I have to start this from scratch... sigh, I would design my own blogskin if I had the time, but I really need help with the coding and stuff.. Oh, well, I'll just see if I had my old blogskins....